Sunday, July 29, 2001

I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I posted last.
I have a lot to tell you.

You know that friend I was talking about before, the one who I'd been friends with for a while but I'd just totally connected with him one time in a way I'd never done before?
He had a girl, who had him on a bit of a string, at the time. A bit of a string? She had him in chains... seemed like she was running around screwing every male in sight and concurrently screeching at him every time he even talked to another female. Which meant that I was not exactly her favourite person, as I not only talked to him but hugged him if I needed a hug and joked around with him and laughed with him and we obviously had a very good time together as friends - which drove Tani crazy. Eventually he dumped her, after she cheated on him one too many times.
Well, he went away a bit after that. This is the bit that breaks my heart, because I don't know when he's coming back. And I miss him more than anybody. I miss him so much it hurts, it really hurts. We ring each other every couple of days, and talk, but it's not the same. I didn't realise how much he meant to me until he went away. And from what he says, he feels the same way about me. *sigh*

I have to go soon, so I'll make this short.

I told Chris exactly what I was feeling (re: last post), and added that it was totally over between us and whatever we had - if we had anything - was gone. I didn't bother to be very nice about it, and I wish I had cushioned it a bit more. He was stunned. I was really harsh. Anyway he (understandably) treated me a little coldly after that incident. Ok, we both froze each other out for a couple of weeks.
I miss him, but I don't want to get back with him like I was. I just wish we could still be friends the way we were before this whole thing ever started. It was horrible between us after I told him, and we both hurt a lot. But it's the feeling of having lost a friend, lost someone I was very close to, that stings the most for me, not the cessitation of our physical contact or anything.
Anyway last night was damn good, because I went over his house for a little party with a few other people from work, and it was almost like old times. No stress or unpleasantness, just a general good time, and I don't think he knew how happy I was that we can still do that, because last night proved that it isn't impossible for us to be friends again.

Chrs - if you're reading this - (I don't think you are, and even if you were you might not know I'm talking about you) - I miss you, ok? The way we were before, the easy comraderie we had.

And I miss Dave, too. Incredibly.
Why are my closest friends going away...